Where Soul Meets Body

Positivity and Love

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It’s the woman’s fault, or is it?

I haven’t been on Tumblr in so long but I had a sudden thought to mind that I had to write it down.

So today I passed by a girl on campus wearing a see-through top with holes and a black bra. Then I naturally thought: a lot of guys I know would’ve made a comment on how she’s asking to be looked at or how slutty she is. I had a second glance at her before she walked right by me and she didn’t occur to me as a type that is either attention seeking or slutty.

Then why did I, or rather guys, think like that?

Let’s try to put that commonly used statement into other perspectives, and if anyone is reading this, please let me know if you agree or not:

“She’s a slut and attention seeking whore for wearing that”
The choice of clothing she choose to wear that day reveals some of her body parts that are normally covered, so she wants to be looked at and she is being too sexual.

Okay, then because a woman is using her freedom of choice in a society that falsely advertises this ideology and it arouses men, it is her fault. Let’s go deeper, because a woman is expressing and celebrating her sexuality in a way that is unconventional to social norm, men naturally has the right to simultaneously exploit her sexuality and judge it at the same time. So not only is a woman’s sexuality oppressed and condemned, when she chooses to do so the other way, she is to be blamed and violated.

We live in society where there are so many contradictions when it comes to femininity and female sexuality: we ask women to cover up, act classy but at the same time you have to be physically ideal and sexy in order to be the perfect female specimen. This is how many men, including my close friends, justify how they perceive women and subsequently their actions towards females. Because a man cannot contain or control his sexuality, the only way to justify their exploitation, violation, judgement, touch, and possibly even sexual predation is by blaming the woman, her worth and appearance. This is clearly a type of victim blaming. Don’t even get me started on raping.

I understand that there is a fair amount of women who do use their sexuality as a way of obtaining and maintaining power by being sexualized objects. I can’t speak for those women but it is least to say that they are not helping the gender bias and oppression in this society. But for everyone else, this is a daily struggle.

It’s bad enough that bra is a daily norm for women, do you know how much it sucks to wear something that confines your body part because it “makes you look young without sagging boobs”? As if it is our “duty” to keep our boobs up. Just this simple act, putting a bra on, can already symbolize how much women are told to do about their physical looks because of who they naturally are. When a woman decides not to wear a bra out of any reason but dresses in a unrevealing way, she is still judged and men, while staring at her nipples, say that she is too liberal and sexual to do so.

So women, the mothers of all children, not only have to live up to the expectation of fulfilling femininity (often including duties such as being the well-mannered, feminine wife or mother that has to work and take care of home duties and at the same time be the primary caretaker) but also need to feel ashamed because of their body parts and because men like them. To me, this is all very illogical and unreasonable. A woman’s sexuality shouldn’t be defined by men who in no way are respectable of the female body.

So next time, guys, when you see a woman who is dressing provocatively in your perspective:
1) DO NOT ASSUME SHE IS ALLOWING YOU TO EXPLOIT OR HARASS HER BODY, she is NOT asking for it.
2) Her body is not yours to judge or touch.
3) Get to know her before judging her. Sometimes a woman might dress in that way simply because it is trendy for that season (look at this past summer where crop tops are the biggest thing, many men in the fashion industry has contributed to this trend so we’re supposed to wear it but not at the same time?) There are other reasons as well.

It’s a long post but god it feels so good to get that off my chest, my bra-less chest. Femininity is about female power, let us decide how we use it and stop oppression today.

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See Post tags #feminism #feminine #sexuality #freedom #confession #male domination #violation #oppression